1, 2, Switch

‘1, 2, Switch’? More like ‘1, 2, Skip’ (OK, cheesy, I know. But this game). This launch title for the Nintendo Switch misses the mark in a big way. Its purpose is clearly to show off the modular, portable functionality, and it certainly does just that, with a series of minigames ranging in intensity from hand-to-hand combat to chores. The trailer itself consists of about two thirds to three fourths its time spent on a quickdraw match that looks so gritty, I honestly thought they were announcing Red Dead 2 for the Switch. It then kicks off a blur of a montage, dedicating little more than a single frame each to a series of other minigames that 1, 2, Switch has to offer. There was the aforementioned quickdraw, and sword fighting, as well as air guitar, magic wand pointing, Navy salutes, and quickly answering a phone. Please. The excitement. I can’t take it anymore. The Nintendo Treehouse segment had staff trying their best to hype the game, with some kind of Fear Factor mystery challenge, the occasional costume, and a fair amount of just really soul crushing forced enthusiasm. However, somehow that all just wasn’t enough to garner much praise from me. Worst of all, 1, 2, Switch, unlike Nintendo Land for the Wii U and Wii Sports for the Wii, will not actually be included with the console. That’s right. If you want to pretend to eat sandwiches, milk cows, salute, shave, pick up phones, pick up crying babies, and, I don’t know, probably do taxes with your friends, all the while laughing like a maniac, you’re going to have to shell out a lofty $49.99 for it. But hey, at least it’s ten bucks cheaper than an actual game.

Stop it. You're grown men. You ACTUALLY shave. You know this isn't fun.

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